All we need

When Daddy moved to the Cayman's I had a VERY DIFFICULT time adjusting. I had never been that far away from him for that long (well I did go to Belgium for about 3 months, but I was too young and dumb to know to be scared back then). When I came home from dropping him off at the airport my best friend was gone and all I could do was wander around a big empty house looking for him. There I was a grown kid without my other grown kid best pal to play with. While he was always the parent, we always had this bond that was more than that. Daddy and I were just this force that had it's own life. We were Daddy and Babedoll. When times got hard for us, Daddy always told me that all we needed was one another. I honestly believed that there was nothing I couldn't do with Daddy there. I guess he thought the same thing, but I believed it to my core! I look back now at the decisions I made and the things I achieved and I see that Daddy was always the driving force for me. I went to college and Daddy was there. I got a job and Daddy was there. I became a Guardian ad Litem and he was there (this one he did question). I quit my job to go to graduate school, Daddy told me to "go for it". I bought my first car, used, but new to me and Daddy told me that it was okay. I can still remember talking to him about that. I was so scared I had made a bad decision, but he said it was okay. And it was okay.
I feared nothing and no one. I had such a freedom in my heart because I knew that all Daddy and I needed were one another. There is this ultimate freedom that comes from having that type of confidence. Daddy was a genius to have taught me that! Who teaches their child that most amazing lesson with such grace? When I look back at myself then, it was if I was sailing. I had always been sailing with Daddy as my wind. I had no big worries and no real stress. I don't remember ever really being scared until the day I got a phone call from the hospital in the Cayman's. That day started a new chapter of my life...
I don't know who will read this, but I hope some people that knew us both will and leave me a comment. I wonder if our "power" lit up around us the way it did between us. Some people won't believe this, but it is a true story. One summer I was going up to Maryland to spend my vacation with my aunt and uncle. I woke up the Sunday morning when my Mama was going back to SC. I can't describe the feeling and I have no idea where it came from, but I HAD TO GET BACK HOME! There was this pull to come home and see Daddy. I had never felt that way before. I can't really describe the feeling. It was just this urgency to see Daddy. When I walked in the door of the our house I knew what it was. Daddy and his girlfriend had called it off while I had been in MD. He was in such a state... He had built a new house to make room for her and her children. He had brought her back to his home (the property where we lived) and let her into our lives. I don't know what happened between them and Daddy never told me. He didn't say much of anything about her or the situation. He was just not himself. We spent a long time getting over that. One day he found the vacuum cleaner that had been ours and brought it back home (his girlfriend had taken it with most everything else in our house). I think in a way, that silly vacuum cleaner was a symbol of him taking his life back! LOL I will never forget the silly grin on his face as he triumphantly marched back into the house with that upright vacuum cleaner! I don't even know why I thought of that...
I don't know how to end this memory. I never want this one to end. It has been almost five years and I still get "our" feeling sometimes. It will NEVER be the same for me. I don't go out into the world everyday like I used to. I am not as bold as I once was. I don't laugh like I used to. I have changed. I wish I could find the power that Daddy and I generated again, but I don't think it is possible. He would probably be sad to know that I struggle so much without him. I know he was teaching me with everything he did to be a strong and loving person. He wanted me to always be a good friend to people. He wanted me to be happy and make everyone around me happy. He wanted me to take care of those that were in need and always put God first. He set that example in everything he did. I know that am strong enough to do it, but just not as strong as I was with him to lean on! AHH, this one has been hard to write. MAN, I miss my Daddy!